Caramel Part I

The author sent his novella to me to read and review:

If I was Haji Outlaw (he says that’s his real name) and had my druthers, I never would have done the story in the fashion that he did it in. Why write three novellas (are they long enough to even be called a novella?) totaling 171 pages instead of a decent size novel. Here are the page totals of each of the three parts: 84, 37 and 50. Haji Outlaw coulda been a contender (my favorite line from Marlon Brando in the 1954 movie On the Waterfront). A contender for what? A contender for the many sci/fi-fantasy awards that are available every year? Or the many dystopian novels adapted for film? The story is written in a crude and raw fashion (it’s almost still in it’s notebook outline), yet the reader is mesmerized by the author’s ingenuity. And although there are bits and pieces of other dystopian novels in Haji's story, such as, Hugh Howey’s 2004 Wool (see my review of 1/21/2016), it remains largely original and quite breathtaking.
 
I can’t tell the reader too much because, if you remember, part one is only 84 pages long. The year is 2112 (is Haji a Rush fan?). Most of the population live in the 135 story Giddings building. The rich and privileged in the upper floors and the downtrodden in the three basement areas (B1, B2, B3) which are overcrowded and toothless rat infested. The Giddings Building had been there since the winters turned sub-arctic at 50 below zero and summers heated up to 125 degrees. Why the weather changed is not given in part one. The novella opens with Stan mourning the loss of Donny, one of his fighters (I’m assuming that was the reason) in the drug infested B3, where there is always a blue haze in the stagnant air from the heavily smoked Scanoline drug. B3 is ruled by a gang of ruthless killers. “Stan was so consumed with these thoughts, that he did not notice the young woman who stood in the middle of the room with her head down."

Eventually gang members noticed her standing in the middle of the floor. They want her pretty jacket...or else. I will not tell you what happens next, but it’s not pretty. And Stan has his next fighter. She will not talk, so he names her Caramel, or Cara for short. He and Caramel are granted entrance to the higher floors where 16 full contact battle courts are located. Meanwhile in the ground floor tunnel, a line was forming to get in. New people were being granted entrance to serve the rich. “For the better part of the year the tunnel of life was vacant. But on this occasion it was filled with two miles of men, women, and children. These were the lucky ones. The ones who had made it out of the harsh winter beyond and had a chance to live and work in the Giddings.” Suddenly, there was loud crashing sounds in the tunnel. What can it be? Something is trying to get into the tunnel. Oh, I should have told the reader that with all the environmental changes, normal house pets mutated. The screams in the front of the line were horrible. “Whatever made it in...was killing. It was killing good. It was killing fast. And there was no end in sight.” You would never guess what was tearing the people apart. I’m not telling. It’s brilliant.

It’s a shame that I have to give this story three stars, because the author could have done so much better. His imagination is amazing. His storytelling is gripping. Haji can still fix this literature faux pas. Put all three novellas into one novel, embellish the the story with at least 200 more pages, grab a top notch editor to put it together...and wa-lah you will have a big time hit on your hands.
 
RATING: 3 out of 5 stars

Comment: It’s almost like Haji Outlaw was getting paid to see how fast he publish. Since I mentioned in the first paragraph that I didn’t read Parts two and three, I don’t know what direction the novel will take. The prose is rudimentary at best, but like everything else...he gets away with it. Can strong storytelling overcome all literature and grammar rules? Ya think?