POTLATCH

The author sent me his novel to read and review:

I read this funny novel and still don’t know what Potlatch is. Is it what scam artist Ray Coggins says it is? “It’s...a word I’ve heard the Boss use sometimes...it means the organization - you know, the Gallaher organization (South Philly’s answer to Tammany Hall’s Boss Tweed). The well oiled machine that keeps us all alive and well.” Or is it what the homeless man extraordinaire, Randolph, thinks it is? “It’s something the Indians out West used to do, until the white man put a stop to it. I read about it in National Geographic. It was a kind of pow-wow where the big chief gave lots of stuff away to keep the tribe happy. He later said, “Course the white man put an end to all this, just like everything else the Indians did. The white man didn’t want those Indians giving away trinkets to each other. He wanted them to sell the trinkets to the white folks who gambled at the casinos.” Welcome to the silly world of super-rich tax-dodgers who run non profit companies for a profit by being a nonprofit company. Of course, most of the college graduate employees have unpaid internships. That’s why they go to UCLA (University on the Corner of Lancaster Avenue) run by a college president known as “Half Nelson”. I told you that this an absurd novel. Nothing in this novel makes sense (obviously on purpose). It is a somewhat silly novel, sometimes a bit absurd in the same way Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series was. Haha’s are good but keep the level of hilarity down to a dull roar every now and then. In other words, everything Seinfeld said wasn’t meant to be funny. Relax, come up for air once in awhile. That’s my only criticism of a otherwise humorous avant-garde novel. Okay, What’s the story about? I’m not sure; let’s talk about Bruce Hartman’s characters instead.

The first character your going to meet is the narrator, Alice Coggins. She is twenty four years old and single. Her family wants her to marry Judge Rotundo’s son, Kyle. She knows that Kyle is a dope, but he happens to be Alice’s father’s probation officer. A neighbor named Hector Lopez (an intern in a all-woman bank, haha) also wants to marry Alice. Again not a match for Alice. Will she find the right guy while interning as a waitress for Gallaher Catering? Her sister Tiffany is two years older and considered by Alice to be slutty. Tiffany aspires to latch on to a lawyer. Alice’s father, Ray Coggins, is a scam artist who is serving a life sentence under house arrest (yea, that’s right). He wears a ankle cuff and can go as far as his front stoop before the alarm will go off. Alice’s mom has the best job in the world. “When he (Ray Coggins) went under house arrest, he pulled some strings to get mom a no-show job in the Motor Vehicles Department.” Ray can get out of the house whenever Boss Gallaher, who seems to own every business in South Philly, needs him for a job. Then we have the local loan shark, “Baby Boy” Backocy, who owns a butcher shop. “The butcher shop was a front for his loansharking business. Eventually he opened a branch “downtown”- meaning in South Philly -where he could expand his customer base.” “South of South,” Dad said, “you’re in Gallaher territory. Baby Boy’s clients know what they need to keep their lines of credit open.” Otherwise they would meet Baby Boy’s muscle...Howie. By the way, UCLA’s president “Half Nelson” owed Baby a half a million dollars. Ouch! Ray Coggins would get released for the day (authorized by Boss Gallaher) so he could facilitate this problem between Baby Boy and Half Nelson. I still haven’t told you anything about the story...and I ain’t gonna.

Incidentally, when I was talking about Ray Coggins, I forgot to mention that Ray was going to start a new political party...The Neanderthal Party. Yes, that’s right, he is going after the Neanderthal vote! Alice explains how it started, “Dad pulled out a Q-tip, asked me to open my mouth, and he took a swab of DNA from inside my cheek to send to the National Geographic ancestry project.” He said, “You might find out you belong to some group that’s entitled to benefits...maybe you can open a casino.” Well, lo and behold, the results came back saying Alice was 2.6% Neanderthal. Anyway, a man of interest for her and her sister was Andrew Ogleby, who recently passed the bar exam and was now working as a non-paid intern (of course) for the law firm “Stark Raven”, a firm “dedicated solely to non-profits.” Andrew lived with his dad, David, and his mom, Patti, in a high-end condominium building. His dad is a “white-haired blue blooded elder statesman of the local non-profit community.” His mom is much younger and a real looker. She sells condos in her building and seems to be looking for a new mate ever since she found out that David lost his money some time ago. Andrew’s parents want him to marry the ugly Melissa Forepaugh, a pet food heiress. Oh well. Did I mention Randolph, the homeless man? He chats with Ray Coggins every morning while doing his tour of the neighborhood. Randolph is an artist in the new social rage, Homeless Art. Andrew Ogleby was invited to the gala opening of the Museum of Homeless Art. Andrew’s boss, Mr. Wolf of Stark Raven said to him, “The museum,” Mr. Wolf had explained, “was the brainchild of the Stark Raven tax department, conceived and executed as “Operation Shelter” for Bob Baskerville, one of their most important clients. The shelter in question was a tax shelter, not a homeless shelter.” Who is Bob Baskerville...really?   

Okay, enough of the cast of characters. There still is a lot of the persona that I haven’t mentioned...too many for me to go on any further. Cormac McCarthy’s theory of three to five main characters in a novel has been blown to bits by author Bruce Hartman. If you are in the mood for a silly story...read this one, in-between brain-twisters. I think this is only the second review out of the 325 published by me that I didn’t talk about the actual story.   

RATING: 4 out of 5 stars

Comment: My all time favorite comedy novel is Joseph Heller’s 1961 novel, Catch 22 (see my review of 2/17/2013). It’s the only novel that I actually laughed out loud as I was reading it.

It became a hit movie in 1970 with a spectacular cast: Alan Arkin, Art Garfunkel, Martin Balsam, Orson Welles, Richard Benjamin, Buck Henry, Anthony Perkins, Jon Voight, Martin Sheen, Bob Newhart, Paula Prentiss, Jack Gilford, Norman Fell and Charles Grodin to name a few. What a cast...are you kidding me?